Saturday, July 21, 2007


RUNTIME: 100 min.

John Travolta, well some people just don’t learn. God sent Quentin Tarantino to resurrect his career through PULP FICTION but he has again managed to go back to the big genre of evil, mentally stunted movies. Tim Allen and Martin Lawrence, well garbage movies are familiar grounds for them. Marisa Tomei, well MY COUSIN VINNY now seems to be a glitch. But William Macy, oh dear, why in the world did you make this disgusting movie? You’re a great actor Bill and I’m a big fan of you. But oh dear, please don’t lend your stature to these sort of movies, movies that are an insult to one’s intelligence howsoever low it is on the IQ scale.
That WILD HOGS is a disgrace to every biker movie there has been including Mickey Rourke’s HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN goes without saying. A pathetic excuse for a comedy and in fact a movie is how WILD HOGS could be best described as. Four urbanites, three of whom are educated (benefit of doubt to the movie for Martin Lawrence’s character is a plumber of sorts) and it comes with such repulsive humor as this. Wasn’t this movie about the “fish out of water” theme, the fish being these urbanites who are fed up of the monotone of their daily lives. And how do these evil sharks make us laugh? By telling us jokes that involve faeces and lot of homophobic garbage. Weren’t these grown up individuals; what we have on our hands is a dentist (Tim Allen), a businessman (Travolta) and a software programmer (Macy). And between them all we have is a moronic sense of humor. A grand total of zero laughing moments are present in the entire movie. It was embarrassing, truly embarrassing to watch audiences greet this crude humor not only by laughing their guts out but clapping as well. Large parts of the humor involve a man’s naked body and the “lines” just keep coming in. Ridiculously predictable, I haven’t seen such idiotic humor in a major motion picture with A-list actors since MEET THE FOCKERS. Even those crude sitcoms have an infinitely better sense of humor and aesthetics. And as for the dramatic elements, it makes you cringe in your seat. There was at least a dozen times where I felt the need to throw something on those morons on screen.
When the hogs (pigs) start rambling about their lives and about who between the actual motorcycle gang and them is the real biker, it enters the torture zone. How did this stunted piece of junk garner around $200 million at the box office is beyond my comprehension.
Performances expectedly are woeful. Collectively, for a buddy picture, it scores another resounding ZERO for chemistry. Any which way you look at it, there’s no joy in the interaction whatsoever. John Travolta is a sore in the eye. It is great that he has an alternate career in flying. He would be a Good Samaritan if he could make that his only profession for the benefits are twin- not only would he be saved of his tired turns, we would be saved of some harrowing times too. Tim Allen, oh he couldn’t be worse than this. Even if he tried. As for Lawrence, he better pray for Michael Bay to come up with one of those Bad Boys flicks. Ray Liotta, why was he laughing in that GOODFELLAS way? Was it meant to be a nod? If it was, my bet is Scorsese wouldn’t take it too kindly. Anyways, he is way better than the central players. He at least seems the lone whiff of sanity in this retarded land. I don’t want to talk about William H Macy, it hurts. Is he so desperate for work; in fact are all of these A-list actors so desperate for work that they walked up for this? Come on, this is Walt Becker. VAN WILDER, anybody?
The biggest disgrace comes at the end in the form of this genre’s best known actor, Peter Fonda. EASYRIDER is given a lot of nods and all of them would make Wyatt and Billy turn in their grave. Peter Fonda, as he did in GHOSTRIDER, makes a guest appearance and rambles about who is the poser and who is the real deal. Very sad that between the Nicolas Cage starrer and this one here, the entire genre has been unintentionally abused.
At the end I was rooting for Jack (Ray Liotta) and his biker gang to beat the hell out of these four losers. How I wish the job was done, it would have been an infinitely better movie then. After all the bad guys are supposed to die at the end, isn’t it?
Travolta, you beauty, how generous of you to give us another motion picture “achievement” to be kept right besides BATTLEFIELD EARTH? I hope it is a parting gift.

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