Sunday, November 11, 2007

SAAWARIYA MUSIC VIDEO REVIEW







CAST: RANBIR KAPOOR, SONAM KAPOOR, SALMAN KHAN, RANI MUKHERJEE
DIRECTOR: SANJAY LEELA BHANSALI
RUNTIME: Contender for the most Interminable 142 min. of anybody’s life (of course, we ran out of there during half time)
RATING: ZERO STARS
GENRE: DULL, BORING, ZERO-HUMOR INDEX, CLICHÉD, STUPID, LOW INTELLIGENCE-QUOTIENT, EMBARRASSMENT etc.


The clichéd hooker with the heart of gold
A clichéd love-tale to us she told
A tear broke; as we saw the tale unfold
The 100-rupee bill spent brought a chill so cold

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

Let me tell you about the star-childs
None of them, I don’t likes

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

The male is happy, insanely so
Either that or weed at home he does grow
The lady is clueless, afraid of the night glow
Umbrella saves from rain and sun, pity she doesn’t know
I only care for my sweet little money back, though

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

The hooker, she carries a purse on her
For every hooker-cliché, to the purse she does refer
Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o
The only dilemma worrying her in the entire picture
To be humorously poetic or poetically humorous, monsieur
She hammed so much, my life started to blur

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

For a brief eternity, the lady’s love appears
Glum for some reason, the iron bars he fears

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

A sort of world we’re asked to believe
Ridden with every cliché one can conceive
Drop a coin, literally, and emotions change
Characters exhibit a retard’s emotional range

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

Dialogues it seems are of no concern
The actors paid for blabbering on their turn

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

Humanoids they seem these characters inside
In lacking any depth they seem to take pride
Seem to have been developed from the big old guide
Big Old Book of Characters Dumb and Tales Contrived

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

The sets are gorgeous but that is about it
But not remotely beautiful to make one sit
A total of two shots show the whole town
Alas, they never do take us around
Bore us to death, in the same old places
Same old sets, and the same boring faces

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

In there, the time-space continuums bend
Dreams and horror seemed to blend
Everything still, for eternity it seemed to extend
Is your will strong? at half-time asked my friend
Run outta here, or else into insanity we might descend
Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

What do I rate this torture in the end
No Stars in sight, only clouds to spend

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

Hollow it is this set so grand
Not art, but a sleight of hand
Blow us away with narrative insight
Don’t flash us with false artistic delight

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

So bad was the after effect
The day by all means I had to correct
I cleansed myself of the night’s grief
Solyaris and Stalker finally provided me relief

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o

Next Halloween, Saw V will be there
With his torture tricks, Jigsaw is out to scare
For them makers, I’ve a scare so rare
Victims seeing this film, a sight no one could bear
For this advice, Lions Gate, please pay me back my fare

Saawariya o-o-o-o, Saawariya o-o-o-o


Note: If anybody has any connections and can make this song sell, it would be great. I spent, sorry burnt a hundred and fifty bucks for this White Trash that too on Diwali. I hope to God I’m not punished for it for the rest of the year.

5 comments:

The Ancient Mariner said...

exactly what I thought, dude...

Regards,
Ankan

Anonymous said...

OMG! that was hilarious! "Characters exhibit a retard’s emotional range"

I was more lucky to have watched it on a laptop so i pretty much did >> the whole time!

-Archita

Sushant Taing said...

Wooooooooooooooooooooooow. What a Poem.

Satish, you got to make Sanjay Leela Bhansali and the hoplessley untalented Star Kids Ranbir & Sonam Kapoor read this poem.

I feel sorry for you having a Bad Diwali Day, the agony of watching a torture called Sawariyaa, man its more painful than a Man's Pe**s being Chopped Off.

Shilpa said...

You'll have to trust me when I say I haven't heard the song in many years. I don't even remember the last time I heard it - may be around the time of movie's release. So, it is fair to say I have pretty much forgotten the tune and it took me time to recollect the tune.

So, I started reading the post and realised there is something hidden in there. Ok, don't bang you head. Now, I know it is very obvious.

So, I go back and restart reading... nay singing. It was tummy hurting hilarious. Have you tried it? I am sure it'll sound funnier since this post is your creation and you'll bring in a lot more authenticity :)

Satish Naidu said...

I actually re-read it now, and in all modesty, it was funny. I smiled, and some lines do have a zip to them if you sing it out loud. I probably have my moments, I guess. :P